So as I wrote about earlier, I got engaged last week! This is a time full of excitement, congratulations and plans. This is a time to be happy, and yet I am struggling.
We got engaged on May 10, 2013 and our wedding will be July 6, 2013. Needless to say my world is pretty much consumed with wedding stuff for the time being.
I was never that girl to imagine my wedding as a child. I never played bride, I didn't really play house. That was just never my thing. Little did I know that those things have a place! It is hard to plan your special day when you haven't spent time thinking about it before the engagement. I am not saying that you should sit and spend all of your time daydreaming about your wedding. (My advice on that is: Get out, live the life God has called you to and when he is ready you will have your special day!) I don't have pictures filed away of possible dress styles I like, or flower arrangements I admire, or bridesmaid dresses I don't.
When people emailed/facebook/called to congratulate us, my mind was a blur. All I could think about was the fact that the wedding was only 8 weeks away. I am so excited to be married to B, but the idea of having to stand up in front of a lot of people makes me more than a little nervous. Then I experienced an incredible amount of emotion while doing some preliminary planning with my fiancee and his family this weekend. I was so incredibly overwhelmed by all the choices that I couldn't really enjoy the moment. I began to feel incredibly guilty about feeling overwhelmed... needless to say it is a vicious cycle.
Thankfully I have some fantastic women in my life who are there to help fill the roles of the parents of the bride and help me to get all the details worked out. One of those women sent me this link to Barbie's Wedding Portraits with the caption, "no one says it has to be like this". She reminded me that this is a celebration of God bringing B and I together. That this is an opportunity to glorify Him and to witness to friends and family that may not ever make it into a church other than for our wedding. This is not a show in which I am expected to be perfect. This is the bringing together of two imperfect people in holy matrimony, so that we can be stronger for the kingdom of Christ together than we could apart. No amount of baby's breath or tulle can mess with God's plan.