Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Courtship Part 2

This is part two of Courtship. To read part one click here. 

When I gave my life to Christ men weren’t even on my radar. Then, right when I was so busy getting ready to move and start a new life God brought “B” in to my world. We met two weeks before I left College Station for graduate school, May of 2011. We were instant friends. But I don’t date (and I told him that from the beginning) so we agreed to just be friends.  He was starting his senior year of Vet School when I moved up north for grad school and we enjoyed getting to know one another via email and over the occasional cup of coffee if I was in College Station.

This lasted about six months. Then he asked me to meet his parents.
At this point I guess I should point out that it was not my family that B approached to discuss courtship. This is because this is not something that my family is familiar with at all. In a courtship the man from whom the young man asks permission from is the person who protects the young woman’s heart. My heart has taken a beating more than once because of a lack of protection. Rather than risking adding another scar, B brought me to his family and asked them to help guide us.
I was hesitant initially but I finally agreed. Meeting B’s parents was such a strange experience! I had never met anyone like them. They used a lot of very unfamiliar terms (courtship, intentional, God’s purpose for your life…) but I left the meeting feeling encouraged. A few weeks later his mother invited me to their home after the New Year to discuss dating/courtship and to get to know them all a little better.

I went to their home and I learned SO MUCH! B’s parents had taken an active role in helping their children navigate the possible pitfalls in finding a godly spouse. They gave me literature, pamphlets, and a lot of prayer time. We talked a great deal and I left their home with an understanding of what they thought courtship should look like as well as instructions to think and pray and decide if this was something that I could do. 

I cried the entire three and a half hour drive home. 
J. C. Leyendecker 1904 - springtime courtship

How could I possibly do this process? I don’t have parents like this. Even if asked, my parents would not be involved in this process. I was afraid that the only fair thing to do would be to tell B that I could not do it. Then B’s mom suggested that instead of having my parents being in charge I need to build a team. This team would help evaluate my readiness to enter into a courtship relationship and to act as my protectors. I spent a year building my team and man they are incredible. They helped to work with me as a young child of God. They taught me spiritual disciplines and life skills.

The first six months after I met with his parents we spoke about once a month in an email. We each needed time to learn, work, and grow in our personal relationship with Christ before we could even look at a courtship.

After B’s family and my team agreed that we had developed enough to move forward we began to meet once every couple of weeks or so to talk and discuss a list of major life topics that B’s parents had developed. We covered everything from Communion to child raising to books. We got a chance to say, “Hey how do you feel about ________ and what Biblical principle is that based on?”  It was HARD! But in the end it was worth it. All of these questions were designed to get to know each other from afar with the understanding that he could be someone else’s husband someday so we wanted to prevent any unnecessary bonds from forming. We finished up these questions in early January of 2013.

This weekend (with the permission of his parents and my team members) B asked me to enter into an official courtship relationship with him.

I have agreed.

I am looking forward to this next phase. Entering into courtship was a big decision that I spent a great deal of time and prayer on. I am so thankful for my wonderful team members who have helped and guided me through this process. I can't wait to see what God has planned next!

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 

2 comments:

  1. From one forgiven former feminist (who is now a stay-at-home mom and helpmeet to my husband) to another, CONGRATULATIONS!

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  2. Agreed with the above: congratulations! His parents sound loving, supportive and wise. I have married into a similar family, and I can tell you, the blessings of having family like them are eternal. I pray God will continue to guide you and your courtier {the right term?}, giving you peace, love and self-control. Blessings!

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Morgan