Wednesday, September 19, 2012

God is My Confidence

I have been a sleepwalker as long as I can remember. 

It happens with the onset of stress. It is as though my unconscious self is trying to get things done that I wasn't able to accomplish during the day. I have done all kinds of goofy things. (Everything from putting all the pots and pans in the washing machine flooding my apartment, to taking all the books off of my shelves and stacking them up in front of my door making me late for school the next day.) The interesting part is that I haven't had a sleepwalking incident in almost a full year. 

For the first time in a very long time, everything is ok. 
Not just ok. 
Everything is... dare I say it? 

I am in a good place in my life. Saying that out loud scares me a great deal. In the past I would never have been able to say that out loud. There were times that were better than others but for the most part I spent most of my childhood and adolescence waiting for the bottom to fall out. It wasn't as if this behavior was out of line. In my world the bottom almost always did fall out. 

Before I turned 18 my family
...lost a house to a tornado, 
...moved ALOT, 
...lost most of our belongings in a flood,
...went through four divorces, 
...lost a house to a fire, 
...and we discovered my beautiful little sister had tumors growing in her face.

This stuff is only what showed on the outside, there are a lot of deeper scars that still burn a bit underneath. 

Sleepwalking was a serious problem throughout my childhood and adolescence. So,what has been different? There is still stress, in some cases more stress than before. So why has the sleepwalking stopped? I think that the biggest change happened when I decided to fully hand over my life to Christ. Although Accepted Christ as my savior before this, I did not place my trust fully in Him.Instead I still tried to hold on to control. When I decided to make Christ apart of my everyday life, I was given a gift of peace that I cannot explain.

Proverbs 3: 23-26 says, “Then you will walk safely in your way, And your foot will not stumble. When you lie down,you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror, Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught.

How awesome is that?

I know that there will be hard times. I know that things will not go my way. But in Christ I don’t have to fear the future, I don’t have to fear the unknown. God is my confidence; I can walk sure into the future. 

1 comment:

  1. You have gone through so much and shared deeply, yet have given glory to Jesus Christ for all that He has miraculously done in your life. Praise Him!!


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