Friday, July 6, 2012

Confessions of a Former Feminist

              I recently had a life changing experience that no one saw. Normally when people tell you that they are reevaluating their life and the choices that they have made the news coincides with some dramatic event.  Mine didn’t happen that way. It was not an earth shattering moment nor was my life in danger at the time. My life changing moment happened while I was watching kids play in the mall.
                I am a forgiven feminist. This means that at one point in my life I fully bought into the feminist ideology. Although the basic idea behind feminism is a good one (equality in voting, wages, and employment opportunities) the spinoff of this good idea is dark and ugly. The idea of equality has morphed into a desire to not only make women equal to men, but to actually make women into men. Women are encouraged to seek out high powered careers and to put having a family on hold, if not altogether removing that possibility. Feminism has taught women that we need to reject the traditional feminine roles because they are constricting. Feminism teaches that women are being forced into a role of unnatural submission by men. They also claim that Christianity is just a means of keeping women in their place. (You can read more about the history of feminism here!) This leads to an incredible amount of problems. However, the one that I am interested in discussing today is… kids.

Feminism teaches that kids are an option, but only for women who can’t be happy on their own. That is the BEST version of kids in the feminist scope. More often than not, kids are seen as an inconvenience to women. This is due in large part to the fact that more often than not in today’s society children are viewed as a side effect of unprotected sex. This is SO sad to me. Children are not just the byproducts of unprotected sex. They are amazing, little miracles. So how is it that we went from thinking that children are gifts from God to thinking that they are punishment? Ill give you a hint…. Check your DVR.

In a society where the main means of communicating with family is via facebook and when television is more important than familial interaction, it is easy to be lead astray. Women love dramatic television shows, when I asked my girlfriends in class what their favorite shows are these were the top three: Sex and the City, Grey’s Anatomy, and The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Each of these shows deals with an unwanted pregnancy (I cannot stand that term!) at one point or another.
  • In Sex and the City a high powered lawyer gets pregnant after sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. Miranda debates having an abortion because she doesn’t want the baby to interrupt her life. She ends up having the baby and yet she doesn’t treat the baby in a nurturing or loving way. She continues to act as though she isn’t a mother, going out and having multiple relationships.
  •  In Grey’s Anatomy Dr. Christina Yang gets pregnant in the first season of the show, by man she is not even dating. She chooses to terminate the pregnancy because she isn’t ready for that stage in her life yet. This woman is so focused on her career that she is able to overcome “this problem” and continue to be successful. (Yang ends up having a ectopic pregnancy and the “problem” goes away.)
  • In The Secret Life of the American Teenager the main character Amy (15 years old!) has sex at band camp and gets pregnant. The young couple goes through many dramatic relationship endeavors and they eventually end up together. They decide to try to make things work as a family. In doing so they move in together prior to being married.

These shows are designed for women. They target the emotional part of a woman’s mind and they adhere to the dramatic tendencies of women. However, the realities behind the problems that are projected are very real and very serious.  Amy in The Secret Life gives young girls the impression that it will all work out. Eventually if you throw enough tantrums (and she does) then your will get you way. Oh, and they also show that a “good girl” will be able to turn a “bad guy” around. Therefore showing girls that it is ok to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t respect you and who can’t be faithful to you. It is ok, because you can change him. Dr. Yang in Grey’s Anatomy is in desperate need of counseling. The show never really deals with the emotional turmoil that an abortion has on a woman. Instead this woman continues to live a promiscuous and dangerous lifestyle that leaves her open to more hurt later on. The actions of Miranda in Sex and the City are admirable, she had the baby.  But she did not change her lifestyle to be a mother, instead she hires a housekeeper to raise her child for her and she continues to live life as though she were a single woman. This shows young women that if you do get pregnant out of wedlock, it is ok! You can continue your normal life once you hire a nanny and everything will be fine. In real life, it doesn’t work out like that.

So, we have covered the issues of what these feminist ideas show women, but what does it show to children? Feminism teaches women that children are a hindrance, something to drag you down. It teaches kids that they have ruined their parent’s lives. It leaves children feeling like they have to make up for the fact that they altered their parent’s chosen paths.  However, each and every child needs to be encouraged and loved. Ideally every single child should be prayed for before it is ever even conceived and should be born into a married family.

I am the result of the unplanned pregnancy. Let me tell you, it makes a difference. Instead of looking at the child as an inconvenience or the side effect of a one night stand, women (and men!) need to be shown that even unplanned children are blessings from God. It takes strength and dedication to treat a child the way they deserve to be treated in a perfect home situation. Raising children is difficult and takes a special amount of patience that only God can give. Feminists need to be shown that children are our legacy, the only thing that we leave behind in this life that matters. But until they have seen the importance of motherhood feminists will not be able to fully understand the gift of raising a child. 

So how did this change my life? I was sitting in the mall with my charges Beth and Bill (I am a nanny) at the play center. Belle and Bo are two and a year old respectively and incredibly active. As I sat and watched the other women with their kids I was amazed at the discontentment evident on the faces of the mothers. They spoke to their children with angry voices and sharp words. I watched one mother roll her eyes after her child handed her a crumpled piece of paper. As I watched this I began to think to myself how sad our society has become when our greatest asset, our future generation is viewed as an inconvenience. Women need to get back to a Biblical view of motherhood. Being a mother is more than just the biological capability to reproduce; it is a calling from God. There needs to be a counterrevolution to call women back to the value of Biblical motherhood. The Biblical principal of being called to motherhood is something that all women should be taught at an early age. There needs to be recognition of the impact that women have on their families. It is the responsibility of Christian women to illuminate the darkness through their relationship with Jesus Christ, for women caught in the Feminist trap. 


  1. Well, I have to disagree with you here. ALL feminists I know (and that's pretty much every woman I hang out with), think children are a "blessing." If they didn't think so, they wouldn't have had their kids in the first place.

    You seem to be stuck in some kind of delusional 1950s fairytale.

  2. I feel so sorry for children whose parents don't seem to want to be bothered with raising them. I think you've raised some great points here, and thanks for sharing them at NOBH!

  3. Youve never watched these shows, so you dont even know what youre talking about. Miranda DID change her life -she cared for her ailing mother in law and bought a house in the burbs - she was a very good mother and loved her so tremendously. Was she flawed? Absolutely! Just like all of us are. I agree with you being dillusional. My guess is that you are butt ugly and cant get a man. Thats what all these ugly, helpless women do. They "embrace jesus" and god plants a man in their life so they dont have to do anything on their own. Get a clue girl.


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